Tag Archives: Humor
Meet Punkin aka Fatty Patty Ramblah on Facebook…She hates to be videoed or have her picture taken…Watch her nail her owner with a right hook!
Absolutely worst parking job ever… BMW driver bangs her car against a curb and two other vehicles trying to park…
Watch Video Here
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
♦Officer: May I see the owner’s card for this vehicle?
Driver: It’s not my car. I stole it.
♦Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That’s right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner’s card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
♦Officer: There’s a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That’s where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
♦Officer: There’s a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
♦Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
♦Captain: Who’s car is this?
Driver: It’s mine, officer. Here’s the owner’s card.
The driver owned the car.
♦Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there’s a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there’s no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
♦Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there’s a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Driver: Yeah, I’ll bet the lying s.o.b. Cop told you I was speeding, too!
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job. “Okay,” the sheriff drawled, “what is 1 and 1?” “Eleven,” she replied. The sheriff thought to himself, “That’s not what I meant, but she’s right.”
Posted by: BBParks
40 Rules That Guys Wished Girls Knew
Posted by: Kane Reed (Sports Writer) A little out of my league but not gonna let this one slip by…..SO True…enjoy!
- If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
- Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up, put it down.
- Don’t cut your hair. Ever.
- Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present!
- If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
- Sometimes, he’s not thinking about you. Live with it.
- Don’t ask him what he’s thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and monster trucks.
- Get rid of your cat. And no, it’s not different, it’s just like every other cat.
- Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
- Sunday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
- Shopping is not sport.
- Anything you wear is fine. Really.
- You have enough clothes.
- You have too many shoes.
- Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’t expect us to like it.
- Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot!
- Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work.
- No, he doesn’t know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
- Pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We’re bound to miss sometimes.
- Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes – what makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
- Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
- A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
- Your Mom doesn’t have to be our best friend.
- Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
- Check your oil.
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This blonde decides she needs a new tv so she goes to the electronic store. She finds the perfect tv. So she brings it to the counter and says “i would like to buy this tv” and the clerk said “I’m sorry, we don’t sale to blonde’s”
So she goes home and dies her hair red, she comes back to the store, picks out the same tv and says to the clerk “i would like to buy this tv” and again he said “I’m sorry, we still don’t sell to blonde’s” she says “darn it!”
So she goes home and shaves her head bald. she goes back the store and picks up the SAME tv and says to the clerk “i would like to buy this tv” AGAIN he says “I’m sorry but we still don’t sell to blonde’s” s
the blonde says “well how did you know i was a blonde?” and he goes “mam, thats a microwave”