40 Rules That Guys Wished Girls Knew

Posted by:  Kane Reed (Sports Writer)  A little out of my league but not gonna let this one slip by…..SO True…enjoy!

• If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
• Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up, put it down.
• Don’t cut your hair. Ever.
• Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present!
• If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
• Sometimes, he’s not thinking about you. Live with it.
• Don’t ask him what he’s thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and monster trucks.
• Get rid of your cat. And no, it’s not different, it’s just like every other cat.
• Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
• Sunday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
• Shopping is not sport.
• Anything you wear is fine. Really.
• You have enough clothes.
• You have too many shoes.
• Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’t expect us to like it.
• Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot!
• Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work.
• No, he doesn’t know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
• Pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We’re bound to miss sometimes.
• Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes – what makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
• Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
• A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
• Your Mom doesn’t have to be our best friend.
• Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
• Check your oil.

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This blonde decides she needs a new tv so she goes to the electronic store. She finds the perfect tv. So she brings it to the counter and says “i would like to buy this tv” and the clerk said “I’m sorry, we don’t sale to blonde’s”

So she goes home and dies her hair red, she comes back to the store, picks out the same tv and says to the clerk “i would like to buy this tv” and again he said “I’m sorry, we still don’t sell to blonde’s” she says “darn it!”

So she goes home and shaves her head bald. she goes back the store and picks up the SAME tv and says to the clerk “i would like to buy this tv” AGAIN he says “I’m sorry but we still don’t sell to blonde’s” s
the blonde says “well how did you know i was a blonde?” and he goes “mam, thats a microwave”

HAHAHAHA that made us laugh so hard. Hope ya like it!

CHEERS….The staff at Behind Blondie Park “Dishing out a little humor”  LOL

Yesterdays Blonde Joke of the day: Blondes Locked Out of Car

A  Florida man was arrested after he called 911 – not once, but twice – to complain he was hungry, authorities said Friday.

Benjamin Dewer, 26, summoned the cops early Wednesday and when they arrived, he told them: “I need a ride to the park and I’m hungry.”

Officers left but the ever-persistent Dewer phoned again with the same “emergency.”

This time police gave him a ride – to jail.

Dewer was being held at the Palm Beach County Jail - where he’ll get three squares a day – in lieu of $1,000 bond.

In a less-than-shocking twist, police said Dewer was apparently drunk when he made the calls.  Read more here

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More not so bright call the police stories true stories:

What Do You Mean You Lost The Key?!…

Police went to a residence in Detroit in response to a call that a husband had handcuffed his wife to their bed then lost the key. They freed the woman, then determined the situation was more intimate than unlawful. No charges were filed.

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WHOOPS TEXT SENT TO THE WRONG NUMBER

Honey, I’d Like To Have A Little Talk With You When You Get Home, Love, Dad…

A 18-year-old high school student from Cleveland lost her virginity on the beach on a class trip and decided to send a breathless text message to her friend. Alas, she sent the message to her father instead.

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Donald Trumps Hair It’s A Work of Art

A logical explanation which explains how the Donald gets his hair to look like it does.  It’s not just some swoop over comb job…..It’s a real work of art!

More Strange News Stories

Alleged Mermaid Sighting In Israel

Friday, August 14th, 2009

Posted by:  BBParks

Mermaid hunt, cute baby giraffe, giant panda birthdays, and waiter racing. See Video Below

Alleged Mermaid Sighting In Israel

Locals and tourists in the Israeli town of have been flocking to the coast in hopes of a glimpse at a creature that most people believe only exist in fairy tales.

HUMOR & STRANGE

The alleged mermaid, said to resemble a cross between a fish and a young girl, she only appears at sunset. It performs a few tricks for onlookers before disappearing for the night.  Read full story here

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MORE STRANGE HEADLINES

Man Slaps a Stranger’s Two Year Old in a Georgia Walmart!

Rattlesnakes Joined at Neck to go Separate Ways

Associated Press Video Highlights: Two diamondback rattlesnakes joined at the neck will soon be separated in a delicate surgical procedure. Vets say the snakes cannot survive together.

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Posted by:  BBParks

♦SOURCE:  REUTERS

A Blonde’s Year in Review

* January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight

* February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels …Helllooo!!! … bottles won’t fit in typewriter!!!

* March
Got really excited…..finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months…..box said “2-4 years!”

* April
Trapped on the Macy’s escalator for hours after the power went out!!

* May
Tried to make Kool-Aid…..wrong instructions…..8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets!!!

* June
Tried to go water skiing…..couldn’t find a lake with a slope.

* July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition ….. learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

* August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm … car swamped because soft- top was open.

* September
The capital of California is “C”…..isn’t it???

* October
Hate M&M’s…..they are so hard to peel.

* November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days…..instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

* December
Couldn’t call 911…..”duh”…..there’s no “eleven” button on the stupid phone!!!

SOURCE:  Brain Candy

Posted by:  Blondie

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends…

Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:- Don’t u know, I sell tickets in black over here..

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet…
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:- No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia…..why don’t you try again.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask…
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:- Is the “Butter Paneer Masala” good??
Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement.
We occasionally also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years
Stupid Question:-Munna,Chickoo, you’ve become so big.
Answer:- Well you haven’t particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask…
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you’re marrying good?
Answer:- No,he’s a miserable wife-beating insensitive lout…it’s just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call…
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping…. you dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair…
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:- No, its autumn and I’m shedding……

9. At the dentist when he’s sticking pointed objects in your mouth…
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman in your office asks…
Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:- Gosh, it’s a miracle …………it was a piece of chalk and now it’s in flames!!!

Lost more stupid stuff here

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT: 101 Stupendous Pick Up Lines

Are You Color Blind Take The Test

Thursday, February 26th, 2009

Lame Questions, Lame Answers Super Bowl Media Day

Thursday, January 29th, 2009